PI: The Popularity Index

When you open your text-books, one thing you realise right away is that you don't have to be a genius to have your own theory. Every Tom, Dick and Harry have their own theory which most of the times don't make sense. I would hereby present a theory and become either Tom or Harry. I have serious issues with being the other guy!

If you appear daily on national television and on every other billboard as we drive on the highway, probably no one would question your popularity. But the problem is that we are not the red-carpet superstars. We are superstars in our very own unique ways. How popular is everyone? This is where the theory comes handy.

The theory states that there are certain indicators that measure your popularity. These indicators are SMART. Specific, measurable.. err... whatever, they are just smart! The indicators are listed here in no specific order and the list is not exhausted. You are always allowed to make me say "Why didn't I think of that?"

1: The frequency of your facebook status updates:

XYZ person is thinking of cleaning the room - 2 minutes ago - 239483 people like this, 39842 comments

XYZ person is getting up to clean the room - 1 minute ago - 3234098 people like this, 39287 comments

XYZ person changed their mind and is not cleaning the room - less than a minute ago, 343834508 people like this, 34294732 comments.

Sounds familiar? Yes that person on your list that you hate. Specially if you are the one who updates their status once every few weeks and get no comments. Remember, you are not the only one!

2: Incoming talk time Vs Outgoing talk time on your cell phone:

The devil made me check that on my cell phone one day. I swore to the heavens above that I wont check it again. Or even talk about it again. If you want to know the 'ugly truth', please do so on your own risk!

3: The number of people who say 'Hi' as you walk from one end of the campus to the other:

This one is particularly deceptive. It is usually assumed to be a measure of popularity but it could also be a measure of being a nerd. Think twice before you include this in your final result. But the rule of thumb is: if people from opposite gender were at least twice the number of your gender, it is more likely to be a measure of popularity.

4: How many people poke their noses in when all you try is to have a cup of coffee with your beloved:

Another very risky method to use. It could be your near-celebrity-status that keeps you from having some private time. Or you could be so unpopular that people might find it hard to believe that you actually are having a cup of coffee with someone from the opposite gender. That gives them a very good reason to drop by and say hi!

The list could go on for ever. Everyone may have their own measures. But the question to me is not how popular one is. But how important one is. It doesn't really mean a thing to me how much I score on the tests above, but what matters is how many people think about me before they hit the bed. More importantly who thinks about me before they hit the bed.

PS: The author was formerly a sane person. The government has recognised his skills by advising all the citizens to avoid taking his words seriously.